long story short we were hit a lot by our family to the point where i can't even remember how often it was. and then we faced a lot of emotional and psychological (and even financial and sensory) abuse/trauma throughout our childhood and adolescence (and then there's all the interpersonal trauma with irl and geometry dash and osu. shit's rough), but we also haven't really had the chance to be anything other than what our biological family wanted us to be so i'd like to think some of us are taking that opportunity now? at this point we're up to 40ish+ known alters.

i think we always had the sense that we were plural (which was only rectified after going thru some of our old school work from 1st-2nd grade in 2025), and im like 90% sure we identified as multiple at least some of the time back in elementary school but i don't think young fluxie would have known they were dissociating or that being multiple had anything to do with dissociation

bit of lore, you're supposed to take your kids to the doctor for yearly checkups but there's a gap from 2010-2014 in my medical records, isn't that something?

i think around late 2020 which is also around the time i started to interact with the osu! community more is when i started to actually notice my dissociation and honestly? i still don't know if i realized that my dissociation and multiplicity had anything to do with each other (but i think i forgot i was multiple up to this point, even though i know one of my alters, Aria, had fronted in like 2018, and possibly fiona too in 2017 but idk if it was fiona or a different fox. this was before we started hrt and stuff and mind you, we were still just going by our deadname at this point because i think people had already been assholes to us about being plural).

after we walked out on bio dad is when things started to feel very weird for me and i think a couple others in the system (though i think even just the US political climate at the time was making me dissociate too but idk). we ended up realizing we were plural (again, this isn't the first time) rather quickly and i don't think we even remembered any of the old trauma up to this point cuz walking out of the situation we were in was so fresh in our mind and so was the fact that we're a system in the first place. but we were gaslit and called psychotic for identifying as plural (mind you, DID and multiplicity and plurality are NOT psychosis and never have been, and schizophrenia and psychosis are totally separate conditions) after two fucking sessions because we didn't divulge our trauma onto her fast enough or something idk. she would be very quick to try to shut down conversations about dissociative disorders before we even said "hey we're plural" but im pretty sure she straight up admitting to knowing nothing about dissociative disorders. idk. we were 17 and she was one of the only adults we felt we could trust because our bio mom didn't want to listen to our shit and she more or less betrayed that trust in the span of two sessions by being (almost seemingly willfully?) misinformed about DID.

Come to find out 4 years later, we discover that one of our old system friends from school was just straight up ghosted by her when he brought up his DID (and I'm like almost certain this was after he got diagnosed but I'd have to ask. Idk)

other traumatizing shit pertaining to us being plural both IRL and in the osu! community, of all places, went down. we were bullied for being plural by people we were close with irl and also fucking other trans people in the osu community (which has its own page) for some reason, everyone and their mother being a vindictive asshole about everything pertaining to identity and style and presentation. people suck lmfao.

we had a traumatizing neuropsychiatry evaluation (more gaslighting from medical professionals yay :D) and then got in with our current therapist which we're still seeing to this day. i think we told her about being a system from the start but we didn't really divulge in the details of any of it until like, end of 2024 (see below, this document is very poorly written lmfao)

the abuse was so long term that it took 4 extra years after we walked out on our bio dad at 17 (and being kicked out of our bio mom's at 20) to 1) even remember what the fuck happened that caused us to be plural in the first place (a lot is still missing, there's like 3,650 whole days in 10 years), 2) remember who we are (so many of us are just identityless (some use the term identityfucked) because the very concept of identity is traumatic for us due to so many factors in our teenage years despite possibly just being trans brained the whole time), and 3) muster up even the slightest inkling of acceptance over this "being a system" thing because we were gaslit by our old therapist who we had to walk out on and who dropped one of our other friends after disclosing that they were a system, only to realize after almost 5 years that we've been suppressing so many fucking alters (especially fictives) holy fucking shit.